Part 2 of The 20/80 Principle- Sex In The City

Part 2 of The 20/80 Principle- Sex In The City


As I said in my last post, the vocal minority of 20% drowns out the rest of the silent majority and in turn the ever sniffing dogs of the yellow media pick up these so called social media influencers rabid and contrarian views and highlight them as the views of the common man everywhere. Case in point- sex. Now I agree that sex sells and the more you write about sex the more eyeball catching it is. But why not write the truth about sex? Won’t that sell too? Why just the sensational stuff which makes a mockery of the real thing is the question on my mind when it comes to the biased media reporting on sex which strives to make us all look like sex crazy maniacs with nothing else on our minds 24/7. This kind of crap reporting on sex has the side effect of making many gullible people to believe in these lies and half truths which the media propagates and disperse them to others as gospel truth and worse to practice it in their everyday life. Case in point- a friend of mine who ogles at every passing female and her body parts- legs, buttocks cleavage it matters not. When I questioned him whether he really felt a necessity to lust after every single random female who passes us, he gave me a honest to god explanation on how it was necessary to keep in touch with your sexual side by craving for sex all the time otherwise, and I am quoting directly here, if you are too good a person and don’t lust after sex, how will you satisfy your wife after marriage?. And this is precisely the point I am trying to make here.

This insistence by the mainstream yellow media for the past several years that Indian wives (leave alone house wives) are not satisfied in sex by their husbands but are indeed looking to have affairs and orgasms with other men is the very raison d’être of this post.  Indian women or just women in general are not such sex starved persons as depicted by the media. Women don’t choose to have affairs just to orgasm- there are lots of other factors involved when a woman chooses to cheat on her lawfully wedded spouse.  And this constant sniping at male’s confidence in the guise of how will you satisfy your wife after marriage, leads to more questions than answers in the average male mind and is directly responsible for licentiousness behaviors like ogling, catcalling or even rape just so a man learns how to satisfy a woman, any woman, even if she is a total stranger and is not willing to indulge in intercourse with him. This constant sniping at fragile male ego’s, this undermining of male confidence has only resulted in longer queues in divorce courts. It has not taught the male that women need more than multiple orgasms and night long intercourse to be satisfied with marriage.

Satisfying a woman via sex is just an urban myth, something like buying your wife or girlfriend diamonds to apologize or whisking away to bali islands if your forgot her birthday. All these are the works of marketing gurus and creative minds at ad agencies who are trying to hard sell sex to the more mundane minded average Indian male or female partner. Collateral damage to these “profit alone” minded marketing geniuses are the irreversible damage to society and marriages caused by the gullible believing that their wives are indeed sex craved and need to be satisfied constantly and so let’s start learning on the streets with other women- any random woman in a vulnerable place to be exploited .

So to come back to my original premise, the title of this post- just as all men are not rapists, likewise all women are not sex crazy nymphos  as made out in posts by prominent social media experts and picked and highlighted by mainstream media as indicative of women’s mindset. If you talk to a regular average woman, as I have done repeatedly, they are more worried about more mundane things like work, peer pressure, office politics, compensation packages, misunderstanding with family members etc. They seek more supportive spouses who would help them achieve more at work than look for husbands who can “satisfy” them in intercourse. Sex is secondary to everyday life concerns in total contrast to what the vocal minority bleat about on media.

So let’s totally disregard these keyboard warriors who constantly seem to set the agenda for everyone else and give due credence to the real aam admi or aurat who may not air their views on sex in public but know what they want and know what’s important and what’s not for a happy married life in the real world. Sexual deprivation is overrated and is only media overkill. Everyone is getting enough sex even if they don’t talk about it or even think about it. The only ones deprived are the depraved and there is no solution for them except to snatch away their keyboards and smart phones and ask them to look at the real world all around them. And to shut the hell up and not speak for everyone else.


Gagging Doctors on Social media.

Gagging Doctors on Social media. gag1

I read somewhere recently that the British government – the British medical association has issued strict rules for doctors on social media- it says something like doctors should not post any opinions or advices on social media as it reflects on the profession adversely. Although I live in India and the Indian government hasn’t had any say on this subject, it’s only a matter of time before they do too- most probably by copying the British government law verbatim- like we did with all of our other laws…Remember the Indian Penal Code, anyone?

 Firstly, I welcome the move to curtail “online medical advice” for too many people write way too many medical advice columns using the easy availability and wide reach of social media and so much so that anyone who gets to read a couple of pubmed articles via google immediately starts doling out medical advice to others. Where I disagree with the British medical association’s new rules is on forbidding the use of the word “opinions”. Now personally speaking, I am an opinionated man and I dole out my frank and outspoken (even contrary) opinion on all subjects under the sun- from relationship issues to current affairs to politics and I almost never confine my opinions to just my chosen profession. But gagging me only because I am a doctor seems to be a bit unfair to me when all other professions are allowed to vent their ideas and feelings online.

Every day as part of life I meet a lot of people (like the bus conductor of my regular bus, the waiter who serves me regularly at the hotel etc) -some of whom on learning that I am a doctor immediately cage for free medical advice or a second opinion on someone else’s previous advice. As any responsible doctor would do- I listen to them, offer my opinion and always, always tell them to consult a good doctor straightaway for a real and valuable consultation. I remind them that I am not their doctor and as such I can only advise them generally based on the limited knowledge I have of them. I don’t consider doling out such free advice as a threat to the medical profession – especially as its only general opinions and nothing specific or in detail. Even when it comes to social media I follow the same set of rules whenever I reply to the half a dozen or so such messages I receive on facebook and twitter daily from friends and strangers. And I make it a point to almost never treat my social media friends as patients in real life because most such online friendships would not stand the test of seeing my real life consultation bill.

 Social media is a medium not supposed to be taken seriously in my view. It is a kind of hobby, a stress-buster to me. So why would I do online again all the same things I do in the real world from morning to night? I use social media to connect socially with people and to offer my views on life and life experiences, not to make money by doling out paid consultations. In fact one of the things I love about facebook or twitter is that I get to meet people with widely different (and unique) life experiences whom I would never get to meet in my real life circles- which revolves mainly around other doctors and hospitals. I am interested in everyone I meet (well except for the trolls)- because each of us has lived a unique life, had unique life experiences and have extraordinary stories to share with the world – social media helps me to hear those stores and apply it to my own life. Now why would the government object to that? Beats me.

 And on the other side of the equation, like a software engineer, or like a teacher or an auditor or anyone else doctor’s too should be allowed to talk about their life including work life and its experiences on social media- just like you would tell your relatives and friends about the exciting day you had at work in any other profession. That doesn’t mean that the doctor is giving out secret professional information on patients which can be used against them. When I first started blogging there were too many trolls (mostly frustrated/incompetent doctors who were envious of my capacity to tell a medical story interestingly) who tried to abuse me and railed against me for violating doctor patient information – as if my blog had a million readers and I was sharing nuclear technology secrets on it. I routinely deleted all the spam mails from such envious people and have continued to write what I want to on my blog and letting my sense of professionalism and conscience to be my guide.

 If you have been regular readers of this blog you would know that sharing my thoughts on social media involves mainly sharing with you about all the heartaches, emotions, confusions and frustrations of medicine. When I write about the struggle of a doctor to understand and diagnose a rare disease I am not stating that I am superior to other doctors- I just offer you a privileged inner view into the thought processes which go behind making a diagnosis- it’s like watching a match live on TV – everything is real- real patients and their real pain. I don’t think I am being unprofessional or betraying any secrets when I share with you the raw stories of how medicine works especially with all the emotions and feelings involved in each decision. And I am sure like people everywhere you too are interested in other people’s stories or my blog won’t be nearing a hundred thousand page views by now.

 So I believe this effort to gag doctors from social media is a dangerous trend and should not succeed- not in Britain and definitely not in India- for I believe that like everyone else a doctor too should be allowed the freedom to express his opinions freely on social media. The story is what matters in the end, not the medium. So is it ok for me to tell your stories on my blog, friends? I await your frank responses. Do tell.