Validating Love And Other Misconceptions.


Validating Love And Other Misconceptions.

Ever since the concept of Valentine’s Day, a day dedicated solely to love, started gaining prominence in our conservative society there has been a lot of hue and cry made over love. There have been anti-love groups, the so called Romeo squads roaming around the cities trying to catch people who are making love to each other in public spaces and in quid pro quo, the mushrooming  pro-love groups who have been trying to reclaim the public spaces for private acts, in this case kissing in public to cock-a-snook at the guardians of public morality who feel threatened by these lewd acts in public to which children might get accidentally exposed and heaven forbid, grow up believing that snogging in public is not anathema in our day to day life. Much as I sympathize with those who have no immediate access to a private space to conduct private business (I wouldn’t call the marina beach entirely private, although it does offer some space) I am forced to agree with the guardians of our morality and say “get a room guys” for some things are just too icky to be done in public- wet slobbering kisses hidden under dupattas for instance.

Which brings me to the primary point of this post- who was the bright spark who decided that love has to be celebrated with kissing? I would understand if valentine’s day was a day declared as a kissing day and then people celebrated it by kissing each other (and random strangers, if permitted) in public like they supposedly do in Central Park, New York (disclaimer: the farthest I have been to is Nanganallur, so I don’t actually have any evidence they do this in New York, just hearsay from click bait news sites). But for a day dedicated to celebrating love, why do you have to validate love by making kissing as a proof of concept? This and other misconceptions on love are what I am going to discuss in my next few thousand words, so if you are already feeling bored, go take a nap and come back for the climax.

In my humble opinion (there- I said it, even though I believe that my opinion is anything but humble) the crux of this entire problem lies in equating love with marriage.  With marriage and its attendant burdens like chastity, fidelity, honesty etc. Love, independent love, is fettered with chains by insisting on it being directed solely with the purpose of gaining or retaining a mate. No longer does our society permit us to love inanimate things (say a Bugatti Veyron) or cross-species love (your favorite pet dog) or even love for nature- when you are captivated by a beautiful sunset and just can’t turn away from the glorious sight of the sun sinking slowly into the sea. But no, those are not claimed as love nowadays, love means solely between man and woman geared towards marriage or sex.

So let me reiterate my point again –love is different, marriage is different and sex is different. There is absolutely no natural link between these three- each can exist quite well independently. Unfortunately our brains have been so brain washed by society that pure love should end in a wedding that the very definition of love has been split into “pure love” and “impure love”. The one which ends up in shackling two people together in lifelong matrimony is exclusively called pure love while others are termed illegal love. You are supposed to fall in love only once in your lifetime. You are supposed to end up marrying the person you fell in love with. And once when you are in love with someone, you are forbidden to fall in or out of love with anyone else, even accidentally. All these restrictions and rules have been framed to make sure that “love stays pure”. Any deviation from these set rules is immediately classified as crime against society.

All this constant moral harassment by society has made large swathes of our population believe that this is indeed love. Love means writing love letters, sending smiley’s on instant messengers, talking nonsense for hours together, hugging each other, kissing each other, having sex with each other and finally marrying each other. That’s the be-all and end-all of love. And this design includes a happy ending- a love marriage.  All the above related activities- hugging, kissing, sex are considered the perks of love and hence more and more people believe that this is what love is all about. And that’s why they frown on any deviation from the set template –like loving more than one person at the same time or loving one person while having sex with another person etc. all of which are labeled as not pure love. Those who believe in such drivel -that kissing or sex is equal to love will never ever realize what love is all about.

True love, false love, pure love, impure love, legal love, illegal love- so many labels for what is just a simple emotion- an expression of happiness that someone else brings into our lives. In fact, you don’t even need the presence of anyone else to experience love- just your thoughts and memories will suffice- a smile on your face when you can recall that beautiful stranger you bumped into yesterday at the supermarket is also love if you broaden the definition of love. Its love when your dog rushes up to lick your face when you come home at the end of the day. Its love even when you express your love to someone else and they turn you down flat- that single second of suspense when your heart soars high in anticipation- that too is love.  Love is just that- an emotion. Don’t make it into something it is not. Don’t hang too many things on it. Don’t make it mandatory to end up in a wedding for it to be love. Just let it be as it is and leave it to two people to decide how they want it to be.

Finally I would ask you to look up into the sky and tell me what you see- some will see the long dark night sky with its infinite darkness. Some will see the stars twinkling bright- scattered here and there. And some will see the full moon – dominating the dark. Love is like that- for some it’s the darkness, for someone else it’s the stars and for the lucky few it’s the bright silvery moon. Judge not what each person sees- it’s their space so just leave them be. Thanks for a patient reading- that’s if you got up to this point.

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It Runs In The Family


It Runs In The Family

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Padmanabhan, better known as Enfield Padmanabhan for he had once owned an enfield bike servicing station was one of the premier automotive parts dealers in the city. But that was in the beginning of his career n the auto parts industry when he landed in Chennai from Kumbakonam with wife and baby daughter in tow. Nowadays, regardless of the manufacturer or company, Indian or foreign, four wheeler or two wheeler, Mr. Padmanabhan invariably had a dealership for that particular vehicle. After twenty years of doing business he was now the retail king of the automobile industry- all brands under the same roof. Sometimes his peers in the automotive industry whispered between themselves that no one had a better grasp on the overall view of how the industry was faring than Padmanabhan. And not only locally, for every month or so Padmanabhan would fly off abroad visiting automotive fairs worldwide to try and grasp the arising and future trends in the transportation field to get in on the ground floor of any new innovation. For all that Padmanabhan didn’t have a large family -just the wife and daughter he came to Chennai with all those years ago, to set up an independent business.

If you thought that only Mr. Enfield Padmanabhan was the go-getter of their family you are far off the mark, for his wife Sudha was as equally ambitious as her husband but her chosen sphere of expressing her talent was  on their daughter Tara.  Ever since Tara was born Sudha had completely devoted all her energies to making Tara as accomplished a person as can ever be. She lived, breathed and dreamt all the time about how her daughter could be molded into being the person that Sudha had always wanted to be. From the time she woke up in the morning till the time she went to bed, every segment of Tara’s life was strictly regulated- French class, tennis class, college, music class, dance class everything had its proper time and place in her daily life. She had no free hour left to divert her mind into useless thoughts which might lead her astray from her mothers ambitious plan for her future. She was dropped at college in the mornings and picked up at college at the stroke of the bell by Munusamy their most trusted family driver from the same village as Padmanabhan. She never went anywhere, including her friends houses, without Sudha or Munusamy accompanying her. Her friends were all vetted by Sudha who often weeded out the undesirables and independent thinkers among them.

 In short Tara led a robotic life under constant supervision being told what to do and how to do it, all the time. The only time she had rebelled, or leastwise had tried to rebel was when she qualified for a merit seat in a government medical college but her mother Sudha had put her foot down and refused to allow her to join medicine. Sudha had been most insistent that her daughter not join any professional course but only some women’s only arts college for a bachelor of arts degree in some social sciences subject. While Tara screamed, cried and went on a hunger strike for almost ten days to be allowed to join medicine. In the end she gave into her mothers unreasonable demands and joined an arts college for a bachelor of arts degree in geography. No one ever asked Tara and she never offered any explanation for why geography.

Padmanabhan was relieved that the rebellion was finally at an end. He had left the whole management of the household to this wife and he was loath to interfere and supersede her authority in the vain fear that it would mean more involvement at home with lesser time devoted to expanding his business. Husband and wife were very happy when their daughter finally fell in-line and listened to them as she had done all her life. The only thing which puzzled Padmanabhan about the whole affair was why his wife was dead-set against medicine and refused to allow her daughter to step inside a medical college. Poor man he did not know that back in those days, before they were both married his wife Sudha had been a medical college student studying in a co-educational institution in the big city far away from their native place.There, she had fallen in love with a bus conductor named Altaf who had looked like a younger version of the then reigning filmy heartthrob, Superstar Rajesh Khanna and who worked as the conductor of the city bus which she took regularly to and fro from college to her hostel. Convinced that Sama Sastrigal her strict and orthodox father would not agree to the inter religious marriage, she had eloped with Altaf to Bombay as he had told her he had rich relatives there who had promised to get him a Gulf job. They were married at a roadside temple as soon as they had landed in Bombay and then they spent their honeymoon in a seedy lodge in Matunga.

At the end of ten days of a blissful life, Sudha had woke up one morning to find herself  surrounded by a group of rough looking men who bundled her off in a tempo van after paying Altaf quite a large sum for those days. The next few days were still a hazy memory for Sudha as the last thing she remembered was Altaf standing there and waving goodbye to her as the van carried her away to Bombay’s premier red-light district. Her next few months were spent on her back with legs raised in the air, earning for her keep by servicing up-to twenty men a night and more. Until a kind customer from their native place Kumbakonam who had visited the brothel out of loneliness and was delighted to find a  young tamil speaking girl to service him, had listened to Sudha’s pleadings and agreed to inform Sama Sastry of his missing daughters plight which he promptly did by sending a postcard to Sastry with a few brief details.

Sastrigal took the next train from Kumbakonam to Bombay and spending all his provident fund bought back his daughter from the brothel owner and took her straight back home discontinuing her medical studies abruptly. Within the next few months he had identified a relative boy from a near but poor family, called Spare Parts Padmanabhan who went around in a fish cart buying broken down scrap from garbage dealers to sell to local mechanics. Padmanabhan despite his ambitions was a failure at business and had loans all around the city with his lenders threatening to break his limbs one by one if he didn’t start repaying soon. In that kind of critical financial circumstance Sastri’s offer of settling all his debts if he married his daughter came like a godsend to padmanabhan. Although he had heard a few stories, common rumours around kumbakonam about Sastris daughter who had done something bad in the big city the offer of having all his lenders paid off and the chance for a fresh start in life prompted padmanabhan to close his ears to everything and marry sudha.

With the money that Sudha’s father gave him as dowry Padmanabhan paid off all his debts and wound up his failed business honourably without declaring bankruptcy and finally decided to leave behind kumbakonam to move to chennai to make a fresh start in life and business. And that’s how Spare parts Padma turned into the honourable Mr.Enfield Padmanabhan the owner of a string of automobile workshops all over the country.  Despite achieving success beyond even his wildest imagination in business, when it came to the home front the fact that his wife was not only better educated than him, but was the source of all his early seed money for the business was the reason that he left all the decisions of the household in her capable hands and never interfered in anything, including the welfare of his daughter. That and the fact that he couldn’t in good conscience accept even in his innermost guilty thoughts that his daughter, a healthy full sized infant, was born just six months into their marriage.

To get back to our story it was the day of Tara’s convocation ceremony when she would receive her graduate degree in the university senate hall from the state governor in his role as the vice chancellor of the university. The household was all up and in earnest from the morning. For although forced to study something she did not like, tara had nevertheless passed out with distinction and had achieved a university first and hence later this evening she would be getting her merit certificate and gold medal from the hands of the vice chancellor himself. By early afternoon sudha was all dressed up and ready, in her excitement she kept running up to daughter Tara’s room with multiple reminders of how she should dress, how she should walk , how she should greet the vice chancellor and turn to look at the audience as she received her certificate and gold medal, to better enable the professional photographer and videographer Sudha had hired to memorialize the proud moment. She also kept calling Padmanabhan throughout the day, often talking to his secretary to make sure that the great man was reminded to leave office early enough to reach the convocation hall in time to watch their only daughter receive her degree certificate, in fact the only one in their family to ever graduate with a degree. Padmanabhan promised to be there in time, even if he had to leave the entire office in lurch.

By seven PM tara was sitting there in the front row of the auditorium along with the best outgoing students of her batch who were supposed to be called early to the stage before the mass of the graduating students got their regular degree certificates. She had been primped, primed and dressed to kill by her mother and as she sat there she slowly used her hanky to wipe away all the extra makeup her mother had painted on her face. She knew that her mother and father sitting at the back of the hall in the seating reserved for parents and relatives would not notice anything’s amiss. As soon as there was a hububb in the hall and the audience got to its feet as the chief guest entered, Tara slowly slipped out of her seat and moved into the side aisle. She whispered to ther college mate sitting in the last row, “i really, really have to go pee, give me a missed call when the speech gets over” and she used the side door of the hall to leave towards the toilets.

But instead of entering the ladies toilet she kept walking straight on to the end of the corridor where there was a side entrance which looked unused. She let herself outside the hall paused to look back once at the hall where her parents sat inside all oblivious and then with a bit of a spring in her steps she walked straight to the carpark where her driver munusamy was lounging in the  front seat of the car. She got in beside him boldly, which was a first for her as they had always been careful not to let sudha suspect anything. She laid her head with a sigh on Munusamy’s shoulder as he started the car and drove off in the direction of the railway station.

Tara gave a little laugh as she said “i thought that evening would never come, the way the day dragged so slowly. Have you got the tickets for the journey ?” Munusamy patted his pocket as he said “Two tickets on the mumbai express in different names. Tomorrow we would be near mumbai by this time and day after tomorrow we would be married there and start our family.” Tara replied without looking at him “Don’t worry, money should not be a problem, i wore all my jewels to the function like you said. My mom was very happy to see me wear them all”. Munusamy looked down at the head resting on his shoulder and thought with a glint in his eye “so this is the golden goose, you can pluck it till it gives and then sell it to make a tidy profit, lucky me”.  And the car went steadily on in the night bearing daughter to the same fate as mother.

P.S. If you are puzzled by the title and ask me what runs in the family? The answer would be “Stupidity”

Ask And You Shall Be Denied


Ask And You Shall Be Denied

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Are you a man? A manly man? Have you ever bungee jumped from the high mountains? Have you ever gone deep sea diving amid a school of  great white sharks? Have you ever wrestled hand to hand with The Rock and Hulk Hogan? And do you think these are scary? You are wrong. There are things even more scarier than getting your maths exam marks. Like, romance as an example? Romance in the view of a single brown male for instance There are few things in this world as terrifying as asking a woman out on a date. Ask any man and he will immediately agree unless he is already married and pussy-whipped into submission. Then he will pretend he never dated anyone at all prior to meeting the one who said yes. The hardest question any male has ever faced in his life is asking a girl he fancies “do you want to go out sometime?” the answer means more than passing IIT and getting a H1B visa job. Its putting your fragile ego on the line to get crushed. Its being vulnerable to rejection on a most personal level- getting hit where it hurts.

Unless you are man who has been there, done that and got crushed you cant possible understand in its entirety that  internal struggle which every male  faces when he tries to be romantically bold with someone he’s just met and had a few words with in a social setting.  In most mens experiences, everything, every prior experience, every particle fiber in your mind is yelling “Just go the fuck home already, lock your room doors, put some sunny leone on and just shag off. Save your heart  from total damage, just don’t do this dude, run when you can”. But being a man means you close your eyes, harden your heart and do it anyway because there is an infinitesimally small chance (say like once in a million) theres a possiblity that she’ll say “yes, ok, i will have a coffee with you”. But chances are that nine times out of ten she’ll say no.  And that can feel like a kick up your balls just on the day you forgot to wear any undies.

The easiest way to deal with the pain of being turned down for a first date is to go get drunk with your friends. Its quite educative, especially if you are teatotaler and your friends like to drink theirs straight up on the rocks. Buy them a couple of drinks and watch how they philosophize it all away. Chill dude, it’s her loss, they  will assure you with a straight face “the bitch just doesntt realize what an awesome catch you are. She must have her own issues that have nothing to do with you. Just forget her and order us another beer”  and which is the cue to ring in that “tasmac song” in gana bala’s lyrics. Come to think of it, its not just your friends telling you that same shit- its not you, its her, everyone is saying it online. People who spend their lives creating and sharing memes on facebook and watsapp – memes analyzing all about love rejection and heartbreak keep saying the same thing that if a woman didnt straight up tell you why she wont even have a coffee with you, assume it’s because of her issues rather than because of any deficiency of yours. Its just not possible for any woman to weigh you up in seconds and make up her mind dismissing you as a possible longterm partner based on such a short scrutiny. And yeah, you might believe such love pundits at first. But then it’s late night and you’re wide awake, staring at the ceiling and wondering how you ended up becoming  such an unlovable person,the beast from the “beauty and the beast”series.

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And deep down in some part of your brain you know there’s not a lot you can do to change whether women do or don’t find you attractive. Your hit ratio, or to put it more crudely the hit-on ratio is very random and arbitrary and doesnt make sense at all. Not when you succeed and not when you fail. No one is going to share the real reason why they liked you or why they unlike you. Only that  the reason people are attracted to us  or not is for all sorts for reasons that are way beyond our control.  There is no need to worry about finding the the right words to spell it out, the right way to approach them to ask out, all that externalizing shit we use to convince ourselves as the the perfect way to impress and get that first date for attraction- doesn’t work that way.  In the authors experience there is no single right move at all . Some women like guys whom other women abhor at first glance and vice versa. One women’s hrithik roshan is another’s tushar kapoor.

Then there are those who offer  a quick fix solution (something which you’re probably tired of hearing a lot)- to be more self-confident. How many times have you heard that advice? It’s not about how you look, it’s whether you exude self-confidence. But what the hell does that actually mean? How can you exude self-confidence if you’re not, in fact, all that self-confident? And how can you be self confident after getting beat up all those many times on asking and facing rejection after rejection. Beats me. The only person who can be self confident in such a situation is a ghajini-type with total and instant short term memory loss.  In fact more than self confidence what you need is masochism (a form of sadism where you inflict pain on yourself) when you are about to ask out an insanely hot woman who you are damn sure is way out of your league.  Masochists never take no for an answer because they love getting slapped again and again – even when the opposite party makes clear that she is not interested at all- becuase they never believe that they are not desirable. They think they are the cats whiskers, the axe ad men and gods gift to women.  And you know what? Sometimes they get lucky as some women prefer the the persistent pests to the more suave gentleman who believes a clear “no” is a real “no” and moves on with their life. So being a bit of a bastard who doesnt take no for an answer often gets you that girl who would otherwise  brush you off at  first hit.

So to conclude its pretty much given that girls will say no and it hurts if they dont want you to. But you cant stop looking and stop asking and allow yourself to wallow at home in self pity, licking your wounds. You just have to go out there and keep asking- hoping the right woman says yes, the woman who feels lucky that she found you and vice versa. Good luck asking…

 

Never Say Never Again.


Never Say Never Again.

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So Vee texted me this afternoon that she is back in India for the next few days and can we meet up somewhere to catch up on the lost years?  I read that text and was in a cold flutter. I mean, after what happened the last time she was here, did she seriously expect me to reply to her texts? Let alone actually meet her in person? If you are still wondering what I am getting so worked up about, let me take you along in a flashback mode to a couple years ago when Vee was again on one of her vacation visits back home from her university course in the USA. We were texting each other ever since she landed here in Chennai and then we decided to meet up and chat at least once before she took the flight back to Boston. So there we were one evening at a chic resto bar and we started off by reminiscing about the good old days of blogging when we were both active bloggers with lots of readers and fans- me slightly more popular than her (considering the number of crazy female stalkers I had for my blog).

After a few drinks (not more than a couple for me- I am a very light/social drinker) we bid adieu to each other till the next time – if ever there was a next time as she was planning to settle down in the US of A permanently- we could meet each other maybe decades down in time. And I came home and went to bed with nary an inkling of what was to come next. Around midnight my phone woke me up and I switched it on to see the call was from Vee. I was quite anxious to see why she was calling me at that time- didn’t she get home safely earlier? Was she in some kind of fix? Should I go out and see if she needed any help? All this went through my mind even as I switched on the phone and said “Hello, hello, what happened Vee? Are you all right? Do you need any help?” And you know what she said? She said “Yes, yes, yes a thousand times yes. I agree. Let’s talk to our respective parents and tell them the good news”.

Now remember that this was in the middle of the night and I had just woken up in a disoriented mood half-asleep and was anxious about how my friend was and what kind of fix she was in and I was hit with this. So after a speechless couple of second’s time I mustered up the courage to ask “Huh, but yes to what?” And she said, coolly “To your proposal of course” and she hung up on me. If I had been anxious before you should have seen me then- I was no longer in a cold sweat- I was in a hot steamy sweat- buckets and buckets of it. Never in my wildest dreams had I even thought about the possibility of a girl accepting my proposal when in fact I had made none such. No. Not to the best of my knowledge. Hell, to the farthest reaches of my memory I had made no such proposal to her at all in my life, leave alone during last evenings meet and greet get-together. We had just chatted polite chitchat about other peoples lives. And here she was claiming, falsely, that I had proposed to her. Now what should I do next?

Not able to think straight- it was the middle of the night after all- I immediately called up Jo and Gopi- my two 3AM buddies- woke them up and spent the rest of the night jabbering to them- over analyzing and cross examining and generally cribbing over what had happened. I am sure they must have cursed me all next day for their lost sleep. Anyway I drifted off to a troubled sleep somewhere in the early morning, wondering how on earth I was going to break the truth to Vee the next day- to break up with her after her high hopes and sheer pleasure of being prospectively allied to me- for it never occurred to my friends to doubt her words- they steadfastly assured me that I must have, in some indefinable manner, communicated to her- verbally or non verbally my desire to get hitched with her. In the face of such overwhelming evidence and unanimous reasoning by those closest to me I had non choice except to accept that yeah I must have inadvertently let something slip out of my big mouth.

Anyway when I woke up the next morning to check my phone, you know the first thing I found? A text from Vee apologizing that she was drunk last night and must have drunk texted me.  I have rarely felt such relief – except on exam results day when I am not sure of passing and I immediately forwarded the apology text to my two unbelieving friends to prove that i had been telling them the whole truth last night. And then I proceeded to delete Vee’s details from my contact list- one such night was enough to age me at least twenty years and I didn’t want a repeat. And then comes this text out of the blue…should I run for the hills and hide myself till she goes back to the United States again to complete her still pending Phd? Or should I just ignore her text or calls, if any and just get on with my life? Or should I meet her one more time, one final time and ask her in person what the hell happened last time? What do you think?

P.S. I still don’t know whether she drunk texted only me or if it was meant for someone else.

The Desperate and The Doormat.


The Desperate and The Doormat.

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Love is a beautiful emotion and falling in love is one of the most exciting things which can happen in any person’s life. But. As you give love make sure that you recieve love too. If the love you are giving is being taken for granted and worse being completely unacknowledged and accepted as a matter of right, does that seem right to you? What do you do when the love you are sharing is not appreciated in the least and all you are left with is the feeling that you have been completely taken advantage of?

I would be the first one to argue that love is selfless and with true love you can keep on giving. But there is also the little matter of personal dignity and self pride (which is a far cry from ego). Everyone has a right to look into the mirror and feel proud of themselves for they alone know their own stories and struggles to reach where they are. But to have that struggle, that story, being sublimated to the wants of another person- all the time- and not just once or twice- then it becomes a matter for retrieving your persona from an uncaring recipient of all your love largesse.

Three things define such relationships-

  1. You are constantly playing second fiddle and putting your own happiness behind the other persons- merely because you have a big heart which is accommodating all their whims and fancies despite your personal dislikes,
  2. Secondly you tend to take the longer view of the picture and don’t mind any immediate sacrifices as you feel at some point or other this will not matter and they will reciprocate in turn with time
  3. And finally you spend all the time picking up their slack and making up credible excuses – to yourself – explaining the other persons unkind treatment of you- despite the longest rope you can possibly give them to realize their high handed dismissal of your legitimate concerns.

I agree that unconditional love is all about loving with all your heart unconditionally and without any expectations in return. But a relationship is not unconditional- it has its own set of rules and guides. Like every other human relationship, love too requires sympathy, empathy, respect and value for all the unconditional love you are pouring out there at the other person’s feet. If they don ‘give anything back then all your sacrifices are in vain as they prove themselves to be merely selfish in their pursuit of their own goals and it becomes crystal clear that they are in it for what they can get out of you and never ever change their behavior. Such parasitism is not love and clearly doesn’t deserve the unconditional love we are talking about. Receiving unconditional love is just as important as giving it otherwise that beautiful gesture turns into disappointment, doubts and anger and most often sounds the death knell of the relationship

The point about loving unconditionally is also doing the same for yourself- putting your needs and wants at par with your loved ones. If they deserve all the happiness they get from you- remember, you deserve no less. Your needs, wants and desires are as important as theirs and you can’t be used and abused for the sake of love. When you end up giving too much of yourself without the slightest reciprocity – you feel drained of everything important in your life and it’s as if you got the dementors kiss (the soul sucking one from harry potter?)

You can give and give and give but ultimately you have to stop somewhere and point out the obvious- that if you are a self respecting person- basic decency, courtesy and selfless are all required part of a relationship on both sides. You deserve to receive an equal part of the love and sacrifice you are putting out there for the other person- if they don’t reciprocate it shows their unkind nature and unsuitability for the kind of unconditional love we are talking about here.

I am not talking about keeping score here- it doesn’t matter a damn if they reciprocate equally or not, but they do have to show some way to prove that they are not egocentric. Its normal- you cant help but notice that you are giving more and more and the are giving back less and less and that you are trying too hard to just keep it going despite their uncaring. Does this imply that you are the desperate one who will do anything just anything to keep it going rather than face the truth, confront them and explain to them what you want them to do about the things that hurt you?

So it becomes desperately necessary to reevaluate such a relationship, to put yourself first and stop being such a doormat. Remember it’s the desperate people who get walked all over. Those who love themselves and are self confident and realize that their own happiness comes second to none will take no BS- even if it’s from a loved one. In the end it boils down to this if you have the slightest iota of self pride and confidence in yourself it becomes the wisest course to walk out of relationships which suck everything you give and give back nothing in return. You, we, I, can do definitely better than such people, right friends?

Marry a Girl


Marry a Girl

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After reading through a couple dozen blog posts on who to marry- they typically go like Marry a Writer, Marry a Reader, Marry a Doctor, Marry a Lawyer and many, many variations of these thereof, I decided to write my own version of who to marry.

So here are the top 5 reasons of why you should marry a – Girl

  • Marry a Girl- because she is a….. Well…. face it, of the opposite sex and made for, hmmm, uhhh, the, well…. the… you know, sex?
  • Marry a Girl- because we all (all men) need someone who can read fifty shades of expressions from our faces when we are capable of showing only one fixed expression for all situations.
  • Marry a Girl – because we need someone to make plans for us in our lives other than the standard pop onto the sofa with a bag of potato chips and watch the match, the post match commentary, highlights of the match and reruns of old matches- plans we have for our standard days.
  • Marry a Girl- because they are the only creatures capable of breaking through our manly reserves and emotional dryness and making us shed tears unabashedly….
  • Marry a Girl- because they are all sweet and cuddly and chocolaty and make our lives all bright and happy.

So, who needs any more labels than this?