Ok! Ok! It doesn’t have to be that way. I can hear the groans and objections. But this is a topic which has really come to my close and personal attention recently. Two different individuals with their name’s starting on P. and of different genders are the protagonists of todays post.
P-1: an average human being, a totally loyal friend but a recluse to other social relationships and sticks to, at the most, one or two close friends. But Post-marriage there is an instant make-over. Forgets everyone but his better half and is now totally obsessed with leading a “happy family life”.
P-2: an average human being, gregarious, verbose, with lots and lots of friends(& admirers)- preferably of the opposite sex. Post-commitment (in a marital relationship)- prefers to still hang out at parties and spend more time with old friends leading to an early and entirely avoidable break-up- with the long suffering partner. Friends remain- marital happiness/family life Gone.
My ADVICE (for what its worth):
P-1 is an easier case to cure – once he gets over the still continuing honey-moon obsession- is bound to return to the earth sooner or later. And you cant always keep obsessing about sex- you need other relationships too. So P-1 will very soon run out of topics to discuss with his new wife- having exhausted everything and come back to his friends. So hold on a little more guys. The guy after all is setting a good example- loving his wife more than any one else in this world- prefering her over his friends- for afterall she is gonna be there for him till the end of his life.
P-2’s is the more difficult case. First of all P-2 doens’t realize that what she is doing is even wrong. She keeps justfying that her friends are important. Yes. But family is always more important than friends. Infintely more important. Friends can forget you, avoid you, ditch you, get transferred out, change jobs, leave the city, anything. Family stays with you (no other option) always- same city, same house, same room. You can always make new friends – but the laws of this country makes it so much more difficult to get a new husband everytime you are dissatisfied with one.
More importantly- you can always say “NO” to a friend- if he calls you for a dinner date, or a movie or a vacation. There is no such friendship which exists where you say “how can i say No? he is such an old friend?” Precisely because he is such an old friend – he should realize he is old news and move away gently of his own accord. If he fails to do so but insists on contnuing his old and cozy relationship even after you get engaged/married- and insists on his rights to take you out whenever/wherever he wants- then it is a false friendship and he is definitely taking advantage of you(P-2) in the guise of friendship.
P-2 is stupid to sacrifice all family ties for a stupid old memory- of old college friendships. A lady should learn to say “NO”- to everyone including her friends. If not- you will be made a joke among the same friends- about what a girl of loose morals you are- if you always agree to their plans and are always available to them and never refuse them when they insist. How many men friends will you accomodate like this? And how can you blame the poor guy- your hubby- if he feels naturally jealous and possessive? will you let him go – if his old college girlfriends drop by suddenly into his office to pick him up and take him away to a late and intimate dinner party- right on your anniversary? Will you even then say that his (ex-girl)friends are more important than you- the wife?
My advice to P-2 would be to forget your friends wholesale- you can always make new and more interesting ones later- right now concentrate on your relationship and dont wreck it. Go to counselling with your partner and resolve the pending issues between you two- with a frank talk. Or take a vacation together- and before you go erase your address book or get a new SIM card. No friendship is worth the sacrifice of a stable and happy married life. You have got a whole life coming up for you stupid lady – dont waste it by living in the Past. Or else you should never have married- but continued to drink/party with your friends in beach resorts- till you get old & ugly/or your so-called friends marry and drop you themselves- whichever happens earlier.
I am going to send the link to this post to both of you- P-1 and P-2- you know who you are sweeties- both of you are dear to me. As a neutral observer and a True friend to you- I take the privilege of advising you both…bear with me.