The Things I Say
So this morning I was standing at the bus stop all spruced up and waiting for that 24-A bus which rolls to my office. Almost obsessively I kept checking my watch to see if it was time for the bus to come even though knew I was almost ten minutes early. As anxious I was not to miss this particular bus, I had taken special care to look my best today – for I had a mission today, a mission critical to the point of explosion. Before I share the rest of the explosive events of the day, let me take you on a brief flashback to the day before, to share the back-story to what was about to take place today. Yesterday travelling by the same bus at the same time, I had chanced upon, serendipitously, on a girl seated just in front of me on the bus and reading a novel by Guy de Maupassant, one of my favorite authors and which of course showed her fine taste in literature. I thanked my lucky stars for making the usual boring bus journey interesting and changed seats three times (despite the conductors frowns) just to get a proper view of her face underneath all her hair. As soon as I saw her, there was an ominous electrical discharge in the air, lightning struck between us and I was in love. Unfortunately, I had to get down at the very next stop and I didn’t have the time to speak with her properly then.
So here I was, the very next day, ready to propose to her without wasting any more time in sundry preliminaries. The bus was on time for once and thankfully nearly empty, which suited my mission. I hopped on anxious to confirm her presence and there she was, on her favorite seat in the front of the bus. After getting the ticket from the conductor, the same one who had given dirty looks at me yesterday, I moved on to the front of the bus and again took the seat right behind her, just to play it safe by vastu/feng shui rules. She had a notebook today on her lap and was going through some handwritten notes which I couldn’t decipher much, though I peered with all my might. Maybe she had a semester exam coming up or something and I hated to disturb her study but as I had just ten minutes or so before I had to get down at my stop and timing was everything in such things, I knew that without much ado I had to start proposing to her, if I was going to do it at all today. To tell the truth, last night I had had a slight pang of doubt that she might be a bit young for me, given that she seemed to be a college student and for a minute or so I worried she might take my proposal amiss. But on further reflection I had decided that it didn’t matter, at least not to me, which was the main point and I was going to go through with it after all.
As was my habit when proposing, I had to pick and choose the role I was going to play to impress her. As I very well couldn’t show her my inner Batman right then, I had decided to play the older but more successful, my debonair Bruce Wayne persona to convince her. So I leaned forward and said a “hi”. She shut her book and turned halfway back in her seat to look back at me and I went on recklessly “Do you believe in love at first sight? No? But I do. Ever since I saw you yesterday morning in this same seat, I am in love with you. Well, to tell the truth, I don’t know how to convince you all of a sudden but, you see, I may be older than you, I may be uglier than you..” and I stopped abruptly at that point when i saw the shock on her face. And then I realized that I had gone and done it again- Called a Girl Ugly to Her Face in the midst of proposing to her. Thankfully the bus had nearly reached my stop by then and I smartly skipped out opting to escape for the time being.
I guess my tongue has a way of running away with itself. And I guess I have to change my bus route tomorrow. Damn, I just want to bang my head on the desk -again and again. For wasn’t this the lousiest proposal you ever heard? I think I should board the next flight to the Sahara desert and hide myself there for the next thirty years or so. The things I say, aren’t they the weirdest?