I nicked myself this morning shaving. As the blood flowed down my cheek and I stared at my own blood in the mirror, looking at the gaunt, hollow face staring back at me with eyes red rimmed from lack of sleep, I realized something. I, who had always prided myself on my steady hands, had somehow been distracted enough to apply the razor with more pressure than necessary. This was my own face, so I could be excused if I hurt myself a bit. But as my profession is based on using sharp instruments on others faces, I should be extra, extra careful and have to regain my senses soon. Couldn’t go around with my mind half pre-occupied on something else. This had to stop now.
Seeing the blood, I also remembered something else. My ancestors. My long hidden racial memories based on the stories I used to hear from the old folk in the villages when I used to visit my native place as a boy. I come from Rayalseema (translated from telugu: rayalu- of kings and seema- the land). My ancestors were warriors, chieftains and kings. The blood of the greatest of the Rayal kings, King Krishna Deva Raya of the Vijayanagara Dynasty flows in my veins. And that blood was now flowing out because I was half distracted and mooning like a love struck teenager. My ancestors, those indomitable warriors who went dauntless into a thousand battles, would now be turning in their graves if they could see me. Songs and Ballads of their bravery in the field of battle and their disdain for wounds and for carrying on regardless of injuries, are still sung in the villages throughout Rayalseema even nowadays. Their scars were for valour, for defending kingdoms and creating empires. Mine for a mere girl? Where has the bravery of the Rayal clan fled? They would ask and hang their heads in shame at the mere sight of me.
The sight of my own blood has had a refreshing effect on me, like a cold shower. I am cured now and I can think dispassionately of what went on. So I made a mistake. So what? Everyone does at one point or another. I made the mistake of assuming that my wants and needs would correspond to someone else’s. But it didn’t. So, instead of thanking my lucky stars that I had learnt of this at an early stage, without getting in deeper, I am complaining. Who am I kidding? This is the best possible thing which could have happened. I think I was lucky enough to escape without much real damage. The only thing hurt was my ego. My sense of, oh look at me, I am such a smart fellow, how can you not possibly fall in love with me? sense of entitlement. I guess I have fallen a prey to my own marketing. If you go around telling everyone what a great catch you are, I guess you automatically start believing it yourself. Till its time to wake up and smell the coffee. Time for reality.
And I really have to thank the girl who woke me up. By her forthright refusal she has pointed out life with her would have been a disaster for both of us. I am a love cures all, type of guy. While she just the opposite, a realist and practical. And the fact that she didn’t feel anything for me doesn’t preclude the possibility that someone else will feel the love this girl doesn’t feel for me now. And I appreciate her honesty. She could so easily have lied and taken me for a ride at least for some time. But she didn’t. Such honesty is rare. And this is the kind of honest persons I should have in my life, as a friend from now on, the kind who can point out the truth, regardless of my feelings. Too many people sugarcoat things just to avoid hurting others, that it’s such a rarity to meet someone like this. So I am not going to stop being friends with her. This has in fact brought much respect in my heart towards her, replacing the stupid infatuation I had.
And as for the future. Well who knows, now that I have woken up from my coma, the mind is fresh and alert and the world looks bright with new possibilities. And as I look back on what happened I realize that I have too much free time on hand. An idle mind is the devils workshop, has turned true in my case. So I have to increase my work commitments from now on. Take on more and more work load, so that I simply don’t have time for any romantic temptations. Get through the day as busy as I can make it, so I am too tired to think, except to get home, lie down, sleep, wake up and go to work. No more outings with friends, no more chatting on the Internet or wasting time on facebook or twitter. And as I decided earlier no more blogging either. I have had a good run, but like all good things, it’s come to an end and it’s time to move on in the real world. Thanks for staying with me all this time, hope I entertained you all, you guys are the best. Au revoir.
P.S. The one thing that has me chuckling right now is something the girl told me when she turned me down. That I lacked the “x” factor to make her fall in love with me. Honey, if you didn’t know, I have more, much more, than that. I have the “Triple-X” factor. I am, if you didn’t know before, the only Triple-X blogger. See above caption. I am like Superman hiding under the Clark Kent name. Damn. I wish I had thought of this line before. This would have made a fitting comeback to her. Maybe I will use it for the next girl who offers the same excuse. Howzzat?