You know what the hardest thing of it all is? Controlling your thoughts. Now I understand what the ancient yogis kept saying about controlling the mind to achieve anything…my mind is going absolute bonkers trying to fight with me. Or is it my heart? Dunno. Either one of them is somehow out of control, causing me all sorts of problems and making me run around half absorbed all day. Now this was something totally un-looked for. At least by me. I who have seen so much of life and thought my heart was proof against all temptations; am now walking around like a confused soul because of a slight weakening of the heart. Oh hell.. To tell the truth, because of a massive crush on someone. Someone who doesn’t even realize what I am going through. Someone for whom I am just a speck in the eye, a pest; a problem; someone she doesn’t want. A do-not-come-near-me-or-i-will-call-the-police placard waving type of girl. And I am having a massive, massive crush on her. The more she avoids me, the more difficult it gets to fight off my infatuation with her. I know it’s silly to have this infatuation at my age when I should know better than that and I also know that I should somehow fight off the temptations. But believe me; I am fighting, fighting with all of my will power- which somehow seems inadequate right now. And to think that I prided myself on my strength of mind till now. As they say pride goes before a fall. And I have been truly humbled. Betrayed by my enemy, my weak heart and left to fend for myself. And I have to fight this lonely fight all by myself. For I promised myself not so long ago, that I would not do this again. And here I am with this weak wicked heart of mine, betrayed yet again beyond my vigilance. Complications. Complications. Complications. And it’s so painful to realize that there is absolutely no villain in this show to blame it on. No way to set things right except to suffer the pain. So, I guess this fight will end in tragedy. But I should have known better. Not let myself go like this. Maybe I deserve this pain. Maybe I need this to learn to control my heart and thoughts better. Damn…maybe I should switch off my phone and cut off my internet connection and go bury my head in the sand somewhere. Will that help? Should do so, I guess. So here goes…this is the last post for a long time…I will return when I am normal. Run, dude, run. And hide somewhere. Till you are cured. Oh!! the pangs of unrequited love..i need a Shakespeare to speak of what i am going through.