Cry Man Cry…

(Disclaimer : this story happened in a Galaxy far far away, a long, long time ago…)

I happened to read recently this wonderful post by a fellow blogger Christopher @Chronicwriter about his heartbreak when he broke up with a girl and how he tried not to cry. Now this is a touchy subject for men. All men. As far as I know not one man in ten will be brave enough to talk about their heartbreaks in a public forum. It’s only done secretly in the middle of the night during a marathon drinking session with close buddies when the dam breaks and the tears start flowing copiously. It takes guts to write a blog post about it and put it online. Hats off to you Chris, you are a braver man than I am or ever were. You have shamed me indeed that I have never really talked about this issue on my blog. I have talked about my victories but never till now about my failures. Shining in the afterglow of a temporary courage (and before it evaporates) I am going to talk for the first time and hopefully for the last time, what it takes for a man to get over heartbreak in love.

We men, have this humongous ego which does not allow us to admit that we were wrong or were made fools off. Admitting to anyone else that our heart was broken by a mere girl almost never happens, because we consider it a sign of weakness. To admit to failure in love- even to ourselves is about the toughest thing in a man’s life. We simply refuse to do it. We would prefer to close our eyes and carry on as if it’s alright, nothings amiss and things will get back to normal. To face it, face the obvious truth, is beyond normal endurance and we try to dodge it as much as we can. Until events force us to.

The girl who was always hanging around with us, suddenly becomes unavailable, invents excuse after excuse to avoid meeting us every week, invents an old friend from out of town who suddenly turns up and will stay just the one day in town and has to be taken to dinner, in order to beg off a movie the tickets for which were booked a week ago. I could go on and on and on… and finally comes the clincher. Your friends call and say “hi buddy, we are having a surprise birthday party for our close friend so-and-so at this restaurant and you need to get here immediately dude” And all innocent of why they are calling you so urgently, you go over there and see your girl with a new date, having an intimate romantic dinner at the restaurant. And then you finally get it. Only when you see it with your own eyes- the proof that the relationship is well and truly over and they have been avoiding you, just to avoid mentioning it in a honest way, that they have moved on from you.

And you just pick up your mobile and dial her number and say “Hi! are you free? Can I come over to your house and pick you up and lets go somewhere?” and she says without a pause “Oh no, I can’t today, my mother is very sick, I have brought her to the hospital and we are waiting outside the doctor’s room to meet him. I am very scared and worried about my mother’s health”. And then you ask “you sure? Which hospital is it? Can I come over there to check on aunty?” and she says sweetly “oh thanks for your concern, but please don’t. Just not in the mood to socialize with anyone today. Maybe later” and finally you say “that’s a pity, for you look to be in a great socializing mood to me. Why don’t you turn to your left for a minute?” and when she turns over to look directly at you, you wave and smile and have the satisfaction of watching her face blanch white. And then leave the place with full closure, knowing it wasn’t you at fault.

Anyway whatever be the reason for the love failure, the impact is far more on the man because, because the man is supposed to be a brave heart and go around with no show of emotion. Pain is pain. It’s equally felt by men as by women. But men as said by Chris, don’t cry. We put on a brave face, boast that we will get even by getting a new one within the week and go home to lock the door, lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling. But still the tears won’t come. The pain, oh the pain will be unbearable, the heart will be ready to burst, it will keep pushing out of the ribcage trying to come out, a cold fever will be all over your body and you will start shivering, your mom will come put an hand on you and ask why are you covered with a blanket when you are sweating like this. But still the tears won’t come. They will be there, right up to the throat level, but an iron determination not to cry and look like a sissy will hold them back inside.

And you know when they finally come? When your friends turn up at home, drag you to their hostel room, pour some beer inside you forcibly and then say “Forget that cheating bitch dude, she doesn’t deserve you, let go bro” and that’s when the tears come. And once the dam bursts it’s a regular cry-fest. You cry like your heart is going to burst. You cry and cry for being made a fool of, for wasting so much time on a worthless person and most of all for the loss of something beautiful- your trust and your love. For taking your heart and crushing it under their feet. That’s what hurts and that brings the tears out.

But everything has an end. Every storm pours itself out. You pick up the pieces of your broken heart and get on with life, trusting to time, the great healer to take care of it. And soon, pretty soon you are back on the mend. But the sense of loss, of something beautiful will always be there. Till something new and wonderful comes to take its place in your heart. For life is all about hope. And love is the greatest hope of all mankind. We never know, never can we predict when the arrows of cupid will strike again. A look, a word, a chance meeting and suddenly the birds are fluttering in your heart again, the sky is filled with rainbows, the throat is dry despite drinking tons of water, the heart is leaping and doing jigs and we are back again in love. That’s men. We love and we love and we keep on loving till we die. No full stops for us.



4 thoughts on “Cry Man Cry…

  1. In doing a semester long seminar on “The Iliad,” it is amazing how Achilleus, the greatest warrior of the era and a man who killed possibly thousands of opponents before he was felled with a poisoned arrow, would burst into tears at provocations and when he was upset. Perhaps, in pre Homeric Greece, the expression of sorrow with tears and the ability to be a violent “man’s man” were not incompatible. Even if you belong to the school of thought that considers “The Iliad” as fiction and not as oral history narrated by Homer, the fact is that in 800 BC, it was socially acceptable for men to express sorrow in public with tears. Somewhere in the 2800 years after that period, traditions and customs seem to have changed. Only the individual can say if this is for the better or for the worse, depending upon his or her circumstances . . .

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