Last night my friend Jothivel called me up on the phone and as the mobile phones signal was constantly breaking up, making his voice scratchy, I came out of my room into the corridor outside to talk as the signal was better there than anywhere else in the house. And after the call, I realized that this was the first time in the past, maybe three or four days, that I had actually opened my mouth and spoken aloud in the house. The last time was maybe, when my dad told me, on Saturday night?, lock the door behind you and I replied OK. Other than that, I dont speak much at home. Dont take me wrong, its not that I have a “silence at home” policy or anything. Its just that the occasion to speak never arises.
I leave home at the break of dawn, I return home at maybe around 9/9:30 pm, serve myself the dinner left in the hot pack on the dining table and go lock myself in my room to either see a little tv before bedtime or maybe log on to the internet and chat with online friends on facebook, twitter et al or in the worst case scenario if theres is absolutely nothing else left to do, write a blogpost like this to torture you dear readers. When I finally get sleepy eyed, I shut down the TV/computer, go to sleep and wake up and leave the house at dawn. This happens routinely every single day. Meanwhile when I get home in the night, my mother would either be in the kitchen or in the bedroom watching her quota of daily serials, my father would be in the hall, watching his news shows on the TV and I will pass them both on my way to my room without a single word spoken on both sides. The only indication that life exists in the house is through the volume of the voices coming from the various TV’s. So even if I dont turn up home for maybe a couple of days, if the TV is on in my room, I think that my parents would assume that I am still there. For me there is no equivalent to the existential dilemna of I speak, therefore I am. For as long as the TV speaks, there I am.
Now reading the above, if you get the idea that I am very silent type and rarely speak, then you are wrong. I do, I speak a lot, everyday. My speech bubble usually consists of the following sentences “where is the pain?, how long have you had it? Why did you wait so long to come? Which other doctor have you sen for this? what tablets did they give you?” all of these questions in pretty much the same sequence all day/everyday from morning to night. So I do get to exercise my tongue a lot, but it cannot be called conversation, real conversation, by any stretch of imagination. On the one hand I have so many friends in the real world that I dont get to talk to often, guys I grew up sharing the same crush/same failure with. And we do have a such a lot to reminisce over. Primarily over who’s fault it was that neither of us got that girl. All those never had, but should have been had, intimate conversations still waiting to be had. So what I intend to do, this day onwards, every night before bed, to bring up my phones address book, close my eyes, put my finger on one random entry, dial that person and talk. Just connect with whoever it may be, pick up the thread from where we left off (years ago?)and see what happens. And if that person ends up having a family fight (or divorce) because of what I intend to remind them of just before going to sleep, then I am not responsible.
On the other hand, I do have so many online friends, facebook, twitter,gtalk etal, who I keep messaging to all day. But does a chat conversation qualify as a real talk? I dont think so. So my next plan of action is to cold call my online friends and give them the captcha test- congratulations, your account has been verified and you are now confirmed as a human being. So wait for the call, your turn might be coming tonight.
(P.S. All this silence in the house has just clarified to me the kind of girl I really want to be with- someone who talks in a loud voice, laughs boisterously, keeps making intelligent conversation and fills the house with sound)