(Disclaimer: This post is not intended to hurt or to be judgmental about anyone, just a reflection of my alternate viewpoint as per my blogs credo of “Hear the other side”)
Recently I happened to read a blog referred to me by a friend who went gaga in her praise over it. I was intrigued and finding some free time recently, I went over to that blog and read a few posts. It is primarily a personal blog with the blogger writing about her struggles in life and relationships. The writing was good and the blogger seems to have no inhibitions in writing long posts but expresses herself regardless of word limit, unlike your truly, who cringes every time the word limit crosses a thousand, for I feel that if I can’t say anything I want to say in a thousand words then I am probably better off writing a book about it rather than blog on it.
Anyway, an interesting post of her was all about her creepy ex-boyfriend, who had an affair with another girl and ditched this one on the verge of marriage. From what she says of her ex- the guy looks like a perfect egomaniac (and isn’t that how we would all describe our exes?) and the relationship looks so obviously mismatched right from the beginning that any sane person would have asked right at the beginning “where’s the catch?” But, when you are in love the sane part of your brain temporarily closes down, girls believe in the concept of the fair and handsome prince riding up to rescue them from a humdrum existence and all such candy floss stories till they wake up and smell the coffee and start cursing the coffee maker.
And this particular girl had a double whammy coming to her. She had a business relationship with her ex-boyfriend it seems, a start-up firm of some kind. And having lost both the ex and the business at the same shattering moment, she writes of her struggles to establish a successful business just to show him she can. That precisely is where she lost me. To show him. She should have just deleted for ever from her mind- that creepy, cheating, double-dealing psychopath of an ex-boyfriend. I mean she had done it all – working hard, establishing her own business, being a success and if only she had done it all for herself, then I would have applauded her spirit wholeheartedly. But to do it just to make a point to her ex- is like showing that she still hasn’t learnt her lesson, even from her failed relationship. She does not esteem her success for herself but looks for outside validation, in this instance from the worst possible person she could think of, her ex lover. I mean if you are rich and successful all by your own hard work, you don’t need to go out there and rub it in your enemies’ faces to make them jealous do you? The very fact of your success is a slap on their face, especially if you keep it subtle and not attribute it to the effect they had on you. You don’t have to prove anything, especially not to an ex. Well, I may be pre-judging her, without knowing the real facts (if so I apologize profusely, a thousand pardons), after reading just her blog, but this was how it read to me.
Anyway, the point of this post is about showing our exes. We have all had our share of failed relationships don’t we? If anyone says not, either they are lying, or they are too young to be reading my blog. And as we move on in life, it is a struggle not to let the baggage of that failed relationship drag us down. To move on with a lot of those bitter memories dragging you back is to set yourself up for future loss too. One person is not another person- just because the gender is the same. In any given situation people will always react different and you cannot predict their behavior. If you start letting a past toxic relationship poison you against other people you meet, then you are letting yourself in for a future as the lonely old cat lady (or cat gentleman) as the case maybe.
There is a reason that forgive and forget is considered as one of the greatest of virtues, it not only heals you of any lingering hatred, it leaves you free to continue to believe in a rosy future as if the shit which happened before did not happen. Why continue to wallow in the muck of past memories, when everyday you wake up and everywhere you go, a fresh start awaits you. IF. You permit yourself. If you let go. If you move on. IF ….
So go out there, open your heart, trust someone, be vulnerable again, fall in love, make a fresh start, love them with all your heart, show them your insecurities, forgive each other’s mistakes, embrace each other’s happiness, live life fully, with your soul mate. Or get yourself one cat to start with. Your choice.