Living Our Life For Ourselves

(Disclaimer: This post is not intended to hurt or to be judgmental about anyone, just a reflection of my alternate viewpoint as per my blogs credo of “Hear the other side”)
Recently I happened to read a blog referred to me by a friend who went gaga in her praise over it. I was intrigued and finding some free time recently, I went over to that blog and read a few posts. It is primarily a personal blog with the blogger writing about her struggles in life and relationships. The writing was good and the blogger seems to have no inhibitions in writing long posts but expresses herself regardless of word limit, unlike your truly, who cringes every time the word limit crosses a thousand, for I feel that if I can’t say anything I want to say in a thousand words then I am probably better off writing a book about it rather than blog on it.
Anyway, an interesting post of her was all about her creepy ex-boyfriend, who had an affair with another girl and ditched this one on the verge of marriage. From what she says of her ex- the guy looks like a perfect egomaniac (and isn’t that how we would all describe our exes?) and the relationship looks so obviously mismatched right from the beginning that any sane person would have asked right at the beginning “where’s the catch?”  But, when you are in love the sane part of your brain temporarily closes down, girls believe in the concept of the fair and handsome prince riding up to rescue them from a humdrum existence and all such candy floss stories till they wake up and smell the coffee and start cursing the coffee maker. 

And this particular girl had a double whammy coming to her. She had a business relationship with her ex-boyfriend it seems, a start-up firm of some kind. And having lost both the ex and the business at the same shattering moment, she writes of her struggles to establish a successful business just to show him she can. That precisely is where she lost me. To show him. She should have just deleted for ever from her mind- that creepy, cheating, double-dealing psychopath of an ex-boyfriend. I mean she had done it all – working hard, establishing her own business, being a success and if only she had done it all for herself, then I would have applauded her spirit wholeheartedly. But to do it just to make a point to her ex- is like showing that she still hasn’t learnt her lesson, even from her failed relationship. She does not esteem her success for herself but looks for outside validation, in this instance from the worst possible person she could think of, her ex lover. I mean if you are rich and successful all by your own hard work, you don’t need to go out there and rub it in your enemies’ faces to make them jealous do you? The very fact of your success is a slap on their face, especially if you keep it subtle and not attribute it to the effect they had on you. You don’t have to prove anything, especially not to an ex. Well, I may be pre-judging her, without knowing the real facts (if so I apologize profusely, a thousand pardons), after reading just her blog, but this was how it read to me.
Anyway, the point of this post is about showing our exes. We have all had our share of failed relationships don’t we? If anyone says not, either they are lying, or they are too young to be reading my blog. And as we move on in life, it is a struggle not to let the baggage of that failed relationship drag us down. To move on with a lot of those bitter memories dragging you back is to set yourself up for future loss too. One person is not another person- just because the gender is the same. In any given situation people will always react different and you cannot predict their behavior. If you start letting a past toxic relationship poison you against other people you meet, then you are letting yourself in for a future as the lonely old cat lady (or cat gentleman) as the case maybe.
There is a reason that forgive and forget is considered as one of the greatest of virtues, it not only heals you of any lingering hatred, it leaves you free to continue to believe in a rosy future as if the shit which happened before did not happen. Why continue to wallow in the muck of past memories, when everyday you wake up and everywhere you go, a fresh start awaits you. IF. You permit yourself. If you let go. If you move on. IF ….
So go out there, open your heart, trust someone, be vulnerable again, fall in love, make a fresh start, love them with all your heart, show them your insecurities, forgive each other’s mistakes, embrace each other’s happiness, live life fully, with your soul mate. Or get yourself one cat to start with. Your choice.

9 thoughts on “Living Our Life For Ourselves

  1. Thanks Ramya…and way to go….you are already ahead of us all- on the curve…i hope more people focus on their own lives instead of waiting around for bad things to happen in their ex'es lives. kinda pointless if you ask me..

  2. i agree jaishree and all of us have had that guilty pleasure at sometime or the other, but to wait around our whole life, looking to hear the bad news of another's life is kinda pointless wastage of time in my opinion..better to move on and get on with life..and if,,you do happen to hear accidentally something bad happening to the other, go on, enjoy it for sometime….but dont dwell all the time on what i wanted to convey through this post.

  3. i am not against using the power of hate/anger to achieve something..but to credit it for all our success is kinda creepy..for then the only way you can ever achieve something in your life is to be constantly angry at someone or something..which is a pathetic kind of existence. This girl was just not sublimating her hatred, she was flaunting it as the source of all her achievement.

  4. 🙂 Recently having begged for forgiveness, this post holds so perfect for me!!! 😀 yes as u said making peace with the past and falling in love with beautiful life ahead is all that takes to be happy 🙂 Good post!!!Followed you via Kappu 😀

  5. Hi GaneshPoint well put and yes I like your idea of word limit 🙂 Holding on to grudges is not good, that way we are allowing those who hurt us to win and affect us. We cant control circumstances but we can control how we react. Any person will only hurt us once, but by remembering about it again and again we hurt ourselves a multitude of times. Having said that its really not possible to forget the occasions we were hurt. We can avoid clinging on to it and crying over it or keep referring to it even when it helped positively as in this case. But if something bad befalls the person who hurt us, most of us would definitely think "This is what happens when you…." and think of the instances when they hurt us. Arent we all like that?

  6. Ganesh – I agree with what you say, that one should forgive, forget and move on. However, strange as it may seem, the human mind (ego) responds in different ways when its desires are not met. I'm sure you're aware of ego-defense mechanisms, one of which is "Sublimation", where one converts one's negative feelings into positive action. Perhaps it is a manifestation of this sublimation that has resulted in positive action.-OT

  7. Why you wallow in the muck of memories! whoa well said bro, read her blog – yes she seems to be a very phonexian to have come out of all that trouble. But as you say, why linger when you can shatter em!! 🙂

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