Now that the IPL season is finally over and the Champions league is yet to start, I find myself with lots of free time on hand and compulsively watching re-runs of old South Africa vs. New Zealand one day matches on Stars Sports TV and wondering why Peter Kirsten is swearing at Danny Morrison and the umpire is not doing anything about it. If you are like me, then I know that you would prefer to watch a blank TV screen than change the channel from ESPN to anything else…and hence I had the bright idea of calling up Lalit Modi, in a secluded spot in Kensington gardens, London, where he was busy checking on his Twitter timeline, for a chat:
Me : Hi LM, this is GP from India…
LM: Really? The GP? I am soo honored to talk you at last (err…that was slightly exaggerated, excusez moi)
Me: LM, I need your help to kick start a few new sports programs for TV starved Indian fans.
LM : So what game are you thinking about? What do you play?
Me: Uh…I don’t play anything right now, the only game I used to play when I was a kid was hide and seek..You don’t think we can start a tournament for that, can we? Have the players hide behind trees and let the cheer-ladies seek them out kinda thing? Have franchises in Chattisgarh/Kashmir/Mizoram etc? But the golden question- Will the censors allow it?
LM : No TV ads will sell if all the action is hidden from view, the sponsors will not sponsor, the franchises will not err…franchise and you cannot retire to London like me…still wanna do it?
Me: Hell no…so what else can we do sir?
LM: I always tell people to play to their strengths…What are your strengths? What can you do?
Me: Me? well, I can write a bit, you know Blogging and stuff? And I can dance a bit…you know the cat-on-hot-tin roof style kinda thing…
LM: Then you must concentrate on that..try something in that line and don’t forget to ask me if you need to prepare any rules, regulations and stuff and all…I can help you write great rules to fit any situation.
Me: Ok, Mr. LM thanks for taking your time to help me out…appreciate it.
LM: and watch out for the Iceland Premier League coming soon… (Cutting the line).
After that stimulating conversation, with Mr. LM, I have started the following new competition for India’s benefit:
The Indian Dance League International:
The participants who wish to play in this league have to first upload a You-Tube video of their dancing skills (up to 2-minutes) to be invited for auctions…
The actual tournament would involve two specific styles of dancing:
1) Indian Belly Dancing League – restricted to men with big bellies…..
2) Indian Booty-Dancing League – restricted to women with big…err..
And you will be asked to dance your Belly/Booty to diverse music genres like
a. Gospel Music – winner of the round gets an all expenses paid, all-night stay with your favorite Tele-Evangelist and
b. Choir music – winner gets a one year supply of Coir Fiber from our platinum sponsor Kerala Coir Board.
The dress code would be a full length purdah-like garment designed by our online costume-sponsor (Fashion Pannadai’s) and would expose only your special area- belly/booty- for you to dance it before the TV cameras in close-up mode.
Teams can include a maximum of two and a minimum of one participant, but of different genders compulsorily…single member teams will be asked to provide medical certificate that they are of both/combined genders.
And one wild card entry is available under discretionary quota- for members of “Endangered” species only- directly for the finals.
Judges include international celebrities like Seeman Goel and Dannii Denzogpa….and the cheer girls include former miss worlds/universes (winners of just 30/40 years ago).
The judges will dismiss losing participants with send –off taunts like “GET LOST CUNT” (CUNT= C U Nxt Time), so telecast timings will be in late evenings for family audiences to catch up over dinner.
So what are you waiting for? Put on your dancing shoes/socks/slippers…record your video and send us the link to join the IDLI….coming this September to a channel near you.
(This Post is copy-righted/copy-lefted and generally copy-lifted from everyone else…so you can copy it freely too but no pasting…ok?)