My brief career as a Porn Photographer….for honeymoon couples


Is the cold season (off season in november) the wrong time to visit  any hill station? Recently I had to make an official trip to Yercaud because I had a workshop to do there for the state conference. It was strictly business- so I went with a couple of the guys from college on a triple-sharing basis. I had half-expected Yercaud to be deserted at this season but to my surprise it was bursting to the seams with honeymooners. Must be the wedding season or something and the rooms were full in almost all the hotels and lodges and the town was crammed with people everywhere you went.

I especially saw a lot of honeymoon couples wandering all over the town hand-in-hand.  And more of them doting all corners of the so-called Rose Garden which was a pale copy of the Botanical gardens of Ooty. Everywhere I turned a corner- there pops out a couple cuddling close together for some quality time (at 3PM in the afternoon???? Yeech…). I saw cuddles, huddles, hugs and even two Kisses…which broke up on my sudden appearance. Rather than disturb people carrying on “their” official work, I had to walk back to the center of the park in a hurry (carefully closing my eyes- what a pavaam/innocent guy i am) where the crowds were milling about and the chances of my witnessing something XXX-rated was lesser.

Here there was more trouble in store for me- I was constantly pestered and irritated by certain pesky couples asking me to click their pictures while they posed in various abominable romantic poses (cheek-to-cheek etc)…I felt like a Porno cameraman when taking some of the pictures- especially with the angles and poses suggested by the couples themselves. Of course I had my revenge on them, by asking them to reciprocate by taking my pictures while I posed in the same fashion as they did- making faces…And strange to say- one ultra-competitive couple ended up having a big fight over me…Uh! its not like that- if it came out wrong – what I was trying to say was, the hubby first clicked me while wifey was looking on in the background offering suggestions. At the end of the shot, the wife walked up to the husband grabbed my camera (before I did) and scrutinized my picture- what came out next was a sarcastic and withering update on her hubby’s non-existent photographic skills..the lady requested me (rather ordered) to go back to my position commenting that she would take the picture this time and show how it is done- and in the mood that she was I hastened to comply. So she took the picture, then beckoned me over and together we scrutinized the result.

I could no way see any difference between her husbands and hers(both were atrocious)……but would I say it to her face? (mad – I am not)..so I praised her about how superbly she had taken the picture vowing in my mind to erase it first chance I got. She then turned with a sneer and started blasting her husband again and this time the poor man – probably incensed by the scene of his wife and me with our heads close together discussing stuff intimately- started shouting back at her in equal measure and I took the opportunity to walk (escape) away from there without looking back till I reached a safe distance from the weird couple. The funny thing was I had noticed the newness of the mangalsutra on the girls neck- they couldn’t have been married for more than a few days- so all this rage at the husbands incompetence pointed to only one thing- the girl was obviously ranting off her disappointment with her hubby in something else …I am sure, you, the reader can connect the dots.

And finally comes the most interesting part, what happened the next morning as I was preparing to check out and leave Yercaud for my trip down to Salem Junction and thence forward to Chennai. I had got up quite early (for Yercaud) at 7 Am and had poked my head outside the door preparatory to going out for a solo walk- my friends were all snoring loudly and would have killed me if I had suggested they join me in some exercise at that early hour. The morning was misty, drizzling and intensely cold and I changed my mind in an instant and opted (wisely) to head back to bed for another hour. And then it happened. the door of the neighboring room opened- a girl – another newly wed honeymooner came out wrapped in a shawl and hollered inside “come on, its a lovely climate, we will go for a walk before breakfast”. I was standing outside my door near the balcony railing and I turned back to stare at the room inside. The husband was still in bed half propped up on his elbows and looking with horror at the mist outside he screamed in desperation “But look, you cant be serious, its freezing outside- you will freeze, come back to bed”

And then, the wife turned halfway and said (wait for the punchline before you clap) “OK, so what if I come back frozen, you are there to warm me up arent you?” she said this with an arched eye-brow and for one minute I envied her husband – a man whose wife was so proud of him in all matters (said & unsaid). I almost clapped then- but felt it wouldn’t be proper. So I went back in to lie down all alone on my bed (my friends dont count)and wait for the day to come, when my wife will demand of me to warm her up after a cold walk……

So, the wait for my wife to come continues (my turn will come some day soon) while my Yercaud trip was over so quickly….with just memories of my photography masterclass..

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