On Fake Boobs….and Film Stars…..


Venkat was here this afternoon…actually he called me up at around 4’PM and said “Machan, I am back in Chennai da..lets go grab a beer”…..I sat up straight and asked him “When did you come back from Germany?” he said “Two weeks machi” and I asked “Lost your job again?”. He went straight to one of his trademark lies “naah, I have shifted from Deutsche Bank to Royal Bank of Scotland, Chennai branch…” I let that one go…. (seriously, is there anything like that?)….and told him “The time is just past 4 pm..too early for a beer”..He guffawed at my ignorance and explained “In germany, we have a beer whenever we want…all time’s beer time”….and if you dont find the above conversation as funny as I do – its because you dont know the background story – that venkat had received a grand farewell party and send-off to Germany just a month back….two weeks in germany and he was back…and showing off “German Attitude”……the Germans must also have found him impossible to handle and shifted him back to India, I guess.

So, to cut a long story short, we met up at a place near our home and decided to have just tea (my condition)…..Venkat wanted to go to one of our old haunts in egmore….a Tea-kadai, right opposite the  Egmore Railway Station..where we used to have tea in the evenings, arriving together from Santhome, before splitting up in different directions(in different buses) to our homes, during our long ago school days. That told me one thing- he was still on that perpetually low budget of our school days….and the Deutschmark must have fallen very low when compared to the Indian Rupee…..

As we stood there, having hot cups of chai, from the roadside chetta-kadai, Venkat seemed to concentrate on something behind my back, rather than on my fascinating conversation……I was irritated and turned around to see what he was staring at so fixedly…turned out to be a lady with very big assets- standing at the corner of the lane which leads to the Imperial hotel. Lady- is a term I use advisedly, for she seemed to be in the comforting business, in short, a prostitute….the only thing which seemed to attract the attention of all the passerby’s (males atleast)- her USP- was her enormous boobs, hanging halfway down to her navel…it was her calling card- so she had let it loose without any tight encumbrances restraining it- and this was around 5pm in the evening- at Egmore Railway Station area….so where were the cops? must be stopping unwary two-wheeler riders for mamool, I  guess.

Anyway, after looking for some time at the scene-on-view, venkat turned towards me and said….”In germany, everyone is like this, with big boobs, machi and they show it freely”…I enquired “Is that why you came back? because you finished seeing all the boobs in germany?” He sniggered and went on “but Indians are indians da…nativity you see..this is the biggest I have seen in Chennai…do you think it is fake? you know something stuffed inside the blouse to draw customers?” I shook my head emphatically “No padding da…otherwise she would have worn a bra..not let it hang loose like this” and inspired by his comment that this was the biggest he had seen in chennai, I reminisced with him about the famous Stanley experiment.

Long, long ago, when I was doing my senior house-surgeon’cy in Stanley Medical College…there was a famous experiment done there by the Post Graduate students of the Plastic Surgery department (without the knowledge of the authorities). There was a student nurse who had been posted in the Plastic surgery department and who had complained of having small sized breasts…the kind hearted PG students on duty had tried to ease her worry with silicone injections- to enhance her bust line…..as her size kept increasing, she kept coming back for more…why not? after all, she was getting famous throughout the college- going from A-to-E cup- through all the letters of the alphabet….it finally ended up as a group project- with the outgoing PG batch handing over the case (the nurse) to their incoming juniors to take care of her and continue the injections just to see how big she can get…..when we heard this story, we (my housey batchmates)- spent a lot of time in other departments – roaming around to catch a glimpse of her -but never did and till date, I am not sure whether it was just an urban myth- but it sure had a ring of authenticity about it….

Anyways to come back to the main topic…as Venkat said- “You cant help it….when you are in the SHOW- business, you need well developed assets to develop your business” and I replied “Damn true machi, we can blame this poor woman, but how many of us blame our celebrities and film stars, who do the same?” Venkat asked “Flaunting their assets, you mean?” “naah” I replied “flaunting their artificially enhanced assets to ensnare producers/directors/and the paying public”…..”For example?” prompted Venkat, always curious for a little gossip from the medical profession….I drawled “For example, the Actress A….remember her, the one who won an award last year as a new face? she has since moved onto pakka-commercial cinema and is now flaunting her well developed boobs….but machi- it isnt a natural development, as she maintains…it was a doctors gift to her…of course, she must have paid through her nose for it, but what the fuc*…she has landed up roles, even itsy-bitsy ones, in big budget movies and with hit actors who on noticing her newly developed assets have started recommending her left and right…she is on her way to big bucks, dude…a small investment has paid out well for her hasnt it?”

“Anyone else machi” he asked hopefully….”Well, I drawled, there was Actress L…..and aww!!!!look at the time – I have a consultation right about now…patients waiting, gotta leave, see you later dude” and I escaped….

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