Forgive me my Lord, for I have sinned. These words should have been said in a church in front of God, but God is supposed to be everywhere and if so, I am sure he will be reading this blog post too and will forgive my sins after reading them here.
Everyone of us – when we look in the mirror- always think we are the good guys and our enemies are evil. Are they? Do we really believe that? or is it a convenient way to shift blame on to them for what we do? All through my life I have thought that I have been more sinned against than been a sinner. But that doesnt give me the right to hurt others does it? I cant take my hatred and anger and disappointments in my personal life and show it on others totally unconnected with it. That makes me a weak person- a coward. My anger and my frustrations at my own faults should be addressed by myself- not dirested towards others. I realize this and hope to change my behaviour- but it’s tough, very tough. For that, give me your Help, God. Help Me.
My next big fault is my Jealousy- I am jealous of others (people I know) in love- insanely jealous of couples (in my friends circle) who go by bike hugging each other- i feel that it should have been me the girl is hugging and not the other guy- I know its extremely wrong of me- but cant help it. I always wanted to do the same and never having got the chance to do it ever in my life – i get incredibly jealous when i watch someone else do it. I may not be lucky in this life to do it- But God please help me bear it without getting frustrated at others good luck. Help me control my jealousy at others happpiness.
My sharp tongue is my other big fault- not being able to control my temper- i lash out at others with my sharp tongue (or my even sharper pen)- its out of pure frustration at not being able to change anything in my life- not being able to control any part of my life- i show it all out in anger- especially towards people close to me- beacuse i know their weak spots- its easier to hurt people we love than total strangers we know nothing about. Its weak, wrong behaviour- so God, give me the strength to change myself.
I have a lot of things going wrong in my life right now- i feel like i have absolutely no future- and am doomed to lead a useless life- so like a blind man with a sharp sword in his hand and imaginary enemies all around him- i am turning round and round- hitting blindly at everyone around me. Help me with your patience, Lord- give me the strength to accept that which I cannot change. One day soon i will give up this materialistic life and come to accept the true path of sanyasam, but i dont want to do it like this- with hatred and anger, and frustrations in my life. A true sanyasi is someone who goes to find God with true peace in his heart- for that i should first beg forgivenes from others I have hurt and forgive those who have hurt me. Otherwise i will be only a false sanyasi.
So, help me Lord- give me the courage to ask forgiveness of those I have sinned against- help me crush my pride and destroy my ego- save me from my frustrations and depressions, and cure me from my anger. I promise to always think before I talk something and think twice before i say something – to avoid hurting others even accidentally. So forgive me my Lord, My sins and lead me onto the path of Salvation. Amen